Friday, December 5, 2008


I attended a funeral today. It was a beautiful graveside service. Everything was beautiful. Funerals always make me think of Parker. My heart always aches for the family as I remember the powerful emotions I felt at Parker's graveside service. I really do think I was still in shock on the day that we buried him. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be burying my first child. It hurt. Bad. Still does.

I almost feel like I'm a seasoned vet at being around death and at funerals. The first loss I experienced was when my older brother (and best friend) died. He was almost 12 and I was eight. That one was hard, but I was young enough that I didn't quite understand it all. After my brother died, it seemed like I went to a funeral every single year. Uncles, great-grandparents, cousin, grandparents, etc. It felt like the domino effect.

Then a month before I got married, my real dad passed away. Yes, my real dad made a lot of dumb choices, but he was still my dad. And I loved him VERY much. That loss was harder than most people realized. But I got through it. I always do.

I think all of my losses helped me know how to manage my emotions and feelings when Parker died. It was still difficult, but I think I had a better understanding of things since I'd been forced to face death before. And it's definitely nice to have the gospel of Christ to help put everything in perspective.

When my Grandma died almost a year ago, I was able to have some of the neatest, most spiritual experiences. I am grateful for those cherished moments.

Okay, so I'm just rambling now. In short, I'm glad I was able to attend the funeral today. Even if it did bring emotions to the surface. I'm grateful that I could remember my son today and feel a little closer to him. I'm thankful for all the angels in our lives.

Heavenly Father DOES have a special plan for our loved ones who pass away. There is a mighty work in heaven that He needs them for. What an honor to have had these people play a part in our lives.

1 comment:

Crissi said...

Funerals are not fun, but it is a chance to reflect on the great plan for us and it is nice to go back sometimes to our lowest times and reflect and realize what we learned from them.