Joy Cometh in the Morning

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
-Psalms 30:5

I can't wait for the resurrection so I can see my son again. I love this picture of Christ after His resurrection.

Infant and Child Death Awareness Day

Today, October 15th, the MISS Foundation recognizes Infant and Child Death Awareness Day. This is a day when we pause to remember the thousands of children who died at all ages and from all causes around the world. It is a day when we pause and remember.

Please light a candle tonight in memory of these precious children. The MISS Foundation recognizes the pain of families after a child's death, life's worst tragedy. We are here for you and your family if you need us.
In their memory,
The MISS Foundation
http://www.missfoundation.org/

When a Child Dies...
To die one's self is a thing that must be easy,

and light of consequence;
But to lose a part of one's self--well,

we know how deep that pang goes,
we who have suffered that disaster,

received that wound which cannot heal...
It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man,
all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.
It will take mind and memory months
and possibly years
to gather together the details
and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.
- Mark Twain, 1888, on the death of his daughter, Suzy Clemens

Children & Angels

"Perhaps children's innocence, wherever it comes from, contributes to the fact that they seem to see angels more often." - John Ronner

-If any of you have ever closely watched babies, you will see them smiling as if watching something (or someone) intently. I like to think that babies can see angels and that the angels play with and watch out for them. I like to think that Parker has made Hayley smile a time or two.

The Lord Knows

I absolutely love conference. For some reason I always feel closer to my son during conference. A talk was given this conference that talked about people that are called upon to experience a tragedy. The speaker talked about how those people who have experienced the death of a loved one are much more compassionate, loving, and empathetic and how they are usually the first ones to help when others experience a tragedy.

I still cannot fully comprehend all of the marvelous things I have learned since my son's passing. However, I do know that I have learned a great deal about compassions and empathy. I used to struggle to find the words to say to someone who had lost a loved one. I now feel much more confident in how to comfort others during their losses. I am by no means perfect, but it feels good to be able to help and love others at a level that I never would have known how to reach before. I honestly ache when others suffer losses and I truly feel for them.

Losing my son has given me an incredible view of the Atonement and of the miraculous gift of the resurrection. Although I have a strong testimony that I will see my son again someday and that he is currently doing a marvelous work, I have truly learned what it meant when Jesus wept with Mary and Martha when Lazarus passed away. Christ knew that Lazarus would be raised from the dead, but that did not prevent Him from showing compassion and love to the family. We truly do need to mourn with those that mourn and help bring comfort to them.

I am so very grateful that the Lord has given me the tools to be comfortable in helping others during their difficult times. I am grateful for conference and so thankful for the talks that were given.

Beautiful Poem

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
and prayed to God today
I asked what makes a Mother
and I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
this we know is true
But God can you be a Mother
when you baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied
with confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
when they leave is not their choice

Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay
I just don't undersand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear

I wish that I could show you
what your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say
"We go to earth and learn our lessons
of love and life and fear
My mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
my Mommy set me free

I miss my Mommy oh so much
but I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
on her pillow's where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
'Mommy, don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
and this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with me
until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you
So now you see what makes a Mother
it's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

Mommy, Please Don't Cry: There are No Tears in Heaven

Mommy, Please Don't Cry: There are No Tears in Heaven
-This is an absolutely beautiful book. I think anyone that has lost a child would love this book. The artwork in it is beautiful and the story will touch your heart. I highly recommend this book for parents of those who have lost a child.

Time

While searching through my sister-in-law's blog, I started to click on some of her links. I ran across a girl who had just recently lost her son as well. As I read her story, my heart broke for her. How badly I wished I could take away her hurt. The memories of my loss of Parker came rushing back to me. Tears filled my eyes and I just sobbed for the girl. Most days I'm ok. I don't cry on a daily basis over the loss of my son anymore. It still hurts and I still long for him, but the initial pain is over. Every now and then, I cry though.

There's a saying, "Time heals all wounds." I agree with that, but not completely. I think time makes things easier and I do think that the hurt slows down. However, I don't think I will ever stop hurting and longing for my son. There will always be a place in your heart that hurts for the child you've lost.

We hired a new lady at work - I think she's in her 40s. She lost two sons to stillbirth over 15 years ago. She told me how she still cries when she thinks back about her children. She says that sometimes people are surprised that she can still cry about it when it was so long ago. It doesn't surprise me though. Even when you lose your child in infancy or pregnancy, they are still your child and you still love them with all your heart.

I hope all of those who have lost a child can feel the redeeming love of our Savior and Heavenly Father. The gospel is a glorious thing and I feel so privileged to know that I will see my son again someday. I can't wait to hold him in my arms again - how I long for that reunion.