Friday, October 10, 2008

The Dreaded Question...

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"How many kids do you have?"

For most people it's an easy question. For me it's full of heartache and hurt and longing. I still can't bring myself to leave out my son in the tally. But then if I add him in the tally then I am forced to explain that he died. And I most definitely don't mind talking about that, but it always makes the asker-of-the-question get uncomfortable. I'm sure anyone who has lost a child will understand how hard this is.

If I answer by saying, "One" then I feel like I am leaving my sweet Parker out. And he IS my son. I HAVE TWO CHILDREN. Granted, one might be in heaven, but I do in fact have TWO children.

I know it might seem like a little thing to you, but it's a hard thing for me. Maybe one day I'll get to the point where I can just answer the question without counting Parker so I can avoid having to explain anything. But as of yet, I can't do it. I don't want to do it. He is my son and he will forever be my son. So maybe it's not my problem at all. Maybe the person asking the question just needs to be more comfortable with how I answer it. Ha ha, what do you think?

5 comments:

Kamie said...

I completely understand and agree. When people ask me if I have any kids and I say no.... then they start talking about being pregnant and of course I can relate... then they are looking at me like I am crazy.... Yeah, I never know how to answer the question either.

Michelle said...

I SO relate to this. I have tried both ways of answering (including my angel son, and not including him). For me, it seems more honest always to include him. I think it's important for people to understand that he truly is part of our family!
Thanks for your thoughts.

britta said...

I for sure would say 2. What a special and hard experience. I didn't know until I came across your blog. I am so excited to be able to check in on you and your family I am adding you to my blog.

Christie said...

I know exactly what you mean! I always pause for a second when someone asks me that question. I will usually just say one, but like Kamie talk about two pregnancies. I don't mind talking about it either, it just makes they very uncomfortable. I know that look they get on their face...

Erin said...

You don't know me and you posted this a long time ago, but my little brother died six years ago and when people ask me how many siblings I have it just comes our I have four brothers and four sisters. And I completely understand how it feels when the person asking the question finds out one of them has passed on, there face goes blank and they don't know what to say. It can be awkward, but I would much rather tell people the truth and explain it to them than leave him out. It hurts my feeling when people do leave him out, or say he doesn't really count.